top of page


Updated: May 10, 2021

Not sure who I am writing this too or why I am writing it down but to be totally honest with you, I am basically hoping it will stop me from lobbing my mathematically resistant 9 year old son out a window or most likely myself?

That is the current state of the shitshow of my life.

My 12 year old son who works diligently (when he CAN be arsed and there's not football distracting him) through his Seesaw tasks (worst app on the planet) is currently hiding in his bedroom with the door shut pretending to work in case he sticks his head out and I tell him to get back to work again. “Mean Mummy” is on patrol.

My OTHER 9 year old son is in his room singing away to himself while working on the same ‘telling the time’ activity that my first 9 year old son is “attempting”, but he wants to be a “big boy” and do it in his room. So, I have to run like an enthusiastic BBC bitesize cheerleader gazelle from one room to the next working with two competing 9 year olds who are at different stages in the same activity to support them both as neither are doing it right and neither can adequately read the exercise enough to answer the questions ON THEIR OWN.

I say “attempting” referring to son nu1 but his attempt largely involves looking blankly at the iPad screen while I explain for the 97th time that “quarter past is pointing at the 3 and quarter to is pointing at the 9….” There's a diagram I’ve drawn in front of him but he still stares blankly at the page…..

Gone is all hope of my having any life of my own. Thank you COVID and thank you wet market lovers of the world.....

In the short time I have written these few sentences I have been interrupted 4 times. Once to be told that the 12 year old has finished his water bottle, great, well done!!! The second time to be asked if “I’m ok” because clearly I’m typing something on my computer for the first time in a year since this whole shit show started and I am not entirely focused 100% on your every whim from snacks to youtubers who do random shit no-one other than 12 year olds care about.

The third time to be asked to wipe the first 9 year olds bum because he slipped off to do an imaginary poo rather than do any maths work and lastly I am interrupted by the only child WHO IS currently working. He needs help and I’m ignoring him to finish this last sentence as this one page of writing is possibly the only thing I have done for myself in a year. Que the mothering guilt.

And that is that…… wine anyone, what day is it? What time is it? Where am I? Who am I? I don’t remember....

Don’t feel sorry for me, there are GAZILLIONS of parents worse off than me right now. Millions of children who don't have the support or access to devices that my kids have. But it's still tough. It's still shit. Everyone has a different type of shit in their shit show right now. I feel for you all.

I feel for me. I remember having a life. I remember thinking I would accomplish shit. Clearly that will be in the 2 minutes of the day I’m not helping someone get logged onto Seesaw or making fucking food….

Have just been asked for a snack, must go...

PS: final count.. 27 interruptions, 3 snacks (disappointedly taken from the healthy bucket), 1 imaginary poo, 7 'shits' used for dramatic emphasis and one page of quickly written average text....

PPS: Sorry no images, who has time to take pictures FFS, this is a pandemic!?

393 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page